Meg Goes Global

Travelling with anxiety

This is a scary and personal one for me, but I want it to serve as what I would love to have read when I was struggling the most. Living with anxiety is bloody hard. When you’re in the thick of it you can’t imagine how you could live a normal life again. For me, even leaving the house seemed like a terrifying thought. Things I had once enjoyed, like going to the gym, or simply grabbing a coffee, scared the shit out of me. It might then seem rogue that this has been a major factor in my life, and yet I still have a passion for solo travel. I whole heartedly believe travelling is the best thing I could have done and will continue to do, to overcome my anxiety, no matter hard it will be. I hope this might show even just one person, that living out your travel dreams and having anxiety, don’t have to be mutually exclusive. And that you can learn to live with, and love both.

My story

I’ve pretty much grown up with anxiety for as long as I can remember, even back to the age of 4. I think I tend to have an anxious disposition, but I didn’t pinpoint it until the age of maybe 17, when it became apparent as I was getting older. I experienced daily panic attacks for periods of time, and felt like no one could truly relate to what I was going through. It was taking over my daily life and I could no longer avoid it. Having been through rounds of therapies and medications, has helped me get to where I am today.

Anxiety took a lot away from me. At times, I felt all consumed by it and couldn’t imagine a life outside the constant battle going on in my brain. I don’t think people always truly understand how debilitating it can be, and how much of a full body experience it is. Physical symptoms can be overwhelming and hard to explain, as it takes over your entire thought process. Through all these hard days I stayed determined and had strong dreams of travelling; going on to achieve things I never thought were possible. If you speak to any of my family who have seen me grow from a 4 year old, frightened to go to school, to the adult I am today, they are all pretty amazed: as am I.

Some of the situations I have had to overcome whilst away have really been challenging, and people have questioned how I could possibly deal with them, and still want to go back. The truth is that we are capable of so much more than we ever realise, and being pushed to the limits has helped me both recognise and embrace this. I am able to deal with stressful situations as they occur with a calm mind, which is truly something I never thought possible. I’m then able to carry this forward into the every day and realise if can deal with these major things (like having emergency surgery in Vietnam), then I can do anything.

Why travel is great

First things first, it’s not going to be an easy road, as with any mental illness. At times you will question why you are doing it, and might want to give up, but it’s going to be worth the hardships when you look back at all the beautiful memories you have created. In short, travelling opens our minds, broadens our horizons and pushes the boundaries we have created for ourselves. There is a subtle magic in being dropped into a totally different world and culture to what we are used to, that puts into perspective what is truly important. The pure presence of existing only in this moment, with these people, that can never occur again, will shift your whole mindset in a wonderful way. Us with anxiety are always stressing about the what ifs, and simply have too powerful of an imagination for our own good. When we remove ourselves from this rumination, and exist only in the here and now, nothing seems as scary.

A lot of everyday tasks can become things that send us into fight or flight mode. The only way to get past this is to directly face your fears. Every time you are in an uncomfortable situation that you think you can’t manage, and then achieve it, you come out the other side a more confident person. Each time is more evidence to yourself that you can do hard things, and the fear doesn’t control you. The nature of travel is full of moments like this, which each push the limits further and further until you go back to things you previously struggled with, and realise you can do them with ease. How can you be scared to leave the house, when last year you voluntarily hurled yourself out of a plane? Sometimes you need a reminder of just how strong you are.

I think each trip and destination teaches you unique, valuable lessons, which are just incomparable to anything you can learn from staying in the same environment. The people you encounter mould you into different evolutions of yourself, and I come back from each trip feeling closer to my true self. I understand that being able to travel is a huge privilege, but I also know it is more achievable than many people think. Half of the barriers we put up are our own fears trying to protect us. Anxious people have a habit of creating problems where they don’t actually exist, to prepare for the worst case scenario. If you take the leap, you begin to understand that you don’t need to mentally prepare for every possible outcome, but instead deal with problems if and when they arise. Our bodies have a wonderful way of taking over and knowing when they really need to, so we can get through anything.

I want to make clear that it’s an ongoing challenge for me that I do have to work hard at to keep overcoming, which at times can get frustrating. I remember wondering how is it fair that I have to try this hard, when others don’t take a second thought in doing the same things that take me so much courage. But I have come to accept that this is just part of me and it will only get easier with time. It’s a common misconception that every solo traveller is just a ball of confidence and never feels worried. Truly, it takes guts, but you can achieve these things despite the fear you feel. You really are never alone in your thoughts, and things will get better.